CAUSE IT'S NEVER BEEN DONE BEFORE
by carpetburn
Summary: An aspiring YouTuber begins an all new, hugely ORIGINAL Minecraft series in the hopes of spreading joy and entertainment to the Minecraft video starved community. Will he succeed in his quest to become internet famous? Will his INNOVATIVE and UNIQUE new series stand out amongst the millions and millions of other COMPLETELY IDENTICAL videos? There's only one way to find out!...
1. XxGMZBOIZxX16 signs up for YouTube!

**A/N: I should probably clarify now that this story isn't supposed to make very much sense; Its existence came about from a conversation me and my friend had about there being so many Minecraft "Let's Plays" on YouTube, so there wasn't exactly a tripartite plot structure complete with foreshadowing, developed characters, etc planned out. I do love Minecraft though, don't get me wrong :D anyway, good luck trying to understand!...**

* * *

Once upon a Wednesday afternoon, after he had returned home from practising with his (totally rad) new band, a famous YouTuber by the name of XxGMZBOIZxX16 was settling down in his room to play a game of Minecraft.

Well, truth be told, he wasn't a famous YouTuber, but he wished he was, and he had resolved once and for all to begin his journey to internet stardom that very evening.

XxGMZBOIZxX16 was a cunning and clever young male of eleven years old, and he knew that what everybody wanted on YouTube was more Minecraft videos. Admit it, you crave new Minecraft videos. As soon as you've finished one, you need another, and another, and another.

And when there aren't any new ones left (and that is very rare) you go to the Minecraft FanFiction section before withdrawal kicks in and you start self-medicating with that paracetamol your mum has been hiding under the sink since that time you crushed it up and gave it to your friend, pretending it was a psychoactive drug, who then got massively placebo'd and ran face first into a Tesco lorry. He died a little bit.

As Nieztche wisely said, "Whatever doesn't kill me inspires me to make more Minecraft videos."

Anyway, I've gotten carried away a little bit. I hope you didn't get too bored and go back to watching Minecraft videos. I know it's hard, I know, but just stay with me, this story will blow your mind (and your terribly constructed cobblestone and sandstone volcano) to pieces.

XxGMZBOIZxX16 equipped his headset _(+5 Speech! Eavesdrop Perk Enabled)_ and sat up straight, eager to begin the YouTube series that would blow the world away. Like a creeper.

"Gawsh, that's a nice house I have there. It would be a shame if something happened to it," said XxGMZBOIxX16 into the mic with unconvincing sincerity. As he said this, he deftly typed into the Single Player World Command box the command to spawn a few dozen creepers.

"OH NOOOOOO!" sang XxGMZBOIZxX16 as his house was exploded. Smoking cubes showed the once fertile fields, now devastated by the mindless wrath of the green menaces. XxGMZBOIZxX16 began to sob uncontrollably.

He thought of the darkness and the great void, and of the God that had forsaken his generation, writhing in the blood stained soil, choking on the murky earth, lungs filled with soot and plastic. The future stretched out, a terrifying winged beast, bleak and infinite. No one would ever live again, not in this world, not when the earth echoes the screams of the many lost. Wives and children, lives torn asunder, and the world could never be the same again.


	2. XxGMZBOIZxX16 applies for a partnership!

XxGMZBOIZxX16 looked happily at his YouTube channel page. It had been two days since he uploaded his first video, and had gone on to upload 252 more, gaining a total of 1 subscriber in the process. He looked sadly at his single subscriber. How would he become internet famous when progress was this slow?

"Perhaps," thought XxGMZBOIZxX16, "I'd have more luck if I became a YouTube partner."

Yes, that was it! The only thing the Minecraft community love more than Minecraft videos are the adverts that play before them! If it was XxGMZBOIZxX16's destiny to become famous, he'd have to monetize his videos first.

XxGMZBOIZxX16 opened up his gmail client and began to draft his application email for the YouTube staff. It read:

Deer utube:-)  
i wanna b da very best like no1 evur was (lol u guys get it pkmn jok) so i wan b google utube paetner?  
plz?  
i craft funny minecraft video (lol craft) amd hav big dreems thnk u  
urs sincrnveely  
xxgmzbooixx16

XxGMZBOIZxX16 leaned back in his chair and flexed his fingers, proud of his eloquence. He had always had a way with words. Could probably be a writer if he chose that path. But no, Minecraft was the way forward. He sent the email, certain that his partnership was already in the bag.

He logged onto his account to record part 254 of his Let's Play series. He had already built an entire city that stretched so far into the horizon that, even on the farthest render distance, the edge of it couldn't be seen. Stood much taller than the cities' huts and houses was a finely crafted Gothic castle.

"Hey guys it's XxGMZBOIZxX16 here, so last episode was pretty intense. I found four diamond but, as we know, it fell into the lava when I got ambushed by a creeper."

XxGMZBOIZxX16's avatar entered the large castle that towered over the rest of the city while the boy spoke. He looked around the entrance hall, then realised a creeper was speeding towards him!

"NOT THIS TIME!" yelled XxGMZBOIZxX16, double tapping the 'W' key so his avatar began to sprint at his adversary.

With sweat pouring down his forehead, XxGMZBOIZxX16 slammed down on the space key and clicked the left button on his mouse with all his might. He roared with triumph as his avatar leaped towards the creeper and struck him dead with one critical hit from his diamond sword.

"OH YEAH, TAKE THAT YOU CREEPY CREEPER!"

But, before he could react, XxGMZBOIZxX16 heard a brief hissing noise before his entrance hall, and his avatar, were exploded into cubes.

XxGMZBOIxX16 could not believe what had happened. He couldn't bring himself to carry on.

"That's the end of today's video, I suppose," he squeaked.

* * *

**A/N: Oh no! Poor XxGMZBOIZxX16's victory didn't last very long, did it? Perhaps things will start to look up for him soon, though. Will he gain any more subscribers? Will YouTube him make him a partner? All will be revealed... Maybe.**


	3. XxGMZBOIZxX16 gets his head in the game!

Two weeks passed, and XxGMZBOIZxX16 was glad to see his YouTube channel was gaining momentum. He now had over thirty subscribers, all of whom actively engaged with his backlog of 23,406 videos. XxGMZBOIZxX16 had branched out into more than just Minecraft Let's Plays, and had a separate series dedicated to impressive speed build videos.

However, nothing prepared him for the day when the most famous YouTuber in the world, PlotDevice123, messaged him, asking to be in his new series. It read:

Hello,  
I'm always eager to give back to the Minecraft community, and I see you have an aptitude for building and a drive to produce many videos. I admire that in a person.  
Plus, your videos are very unique. I don't think I've ever heard someone mention how annoying creepers are before. They are pretty awful, now I think about it!  
Anyway, I'd like to invite you to my server to star in my new series, "Real Minecraft". It's Minecraft, but it's totally real!  
I'll warn you now, if you die in the game, you die in real life. Ever watched Sword Art Online? It's a bit like that.  
I'll understand if you're not interested, but it'd be great to have you on the show.  
Yours Sincerely  
PlotDevice123

XxGMZBOIZxX16 squealed as he saw the confirming signature at the foot of the message. PlotDevice123, a man with twenty million subscribers, wanted HIM to star in a series? XxGMZBOIZxX16 simply couldn't believe his luck.

Of course, it was a shame about the whole "If you die In Minecraft, you die in real life" thing.

"Unless, of course," said XxGMZBOIZxX16 aloud, "He was joking... Yes, that has to be it! There's no way he could actually put me in Minecraft. Just having a laugh, I bet."

XxGMZBOIZxX16 promptly sent a reply:

Dear plotdevice123  
thanks  
yours sincerely  
me

Within minutes of sending the reply, XxGMZBOIZxX16 was forwarded the IP address of PlotDevice123's server. XxGMZBOIZxX16 typed it in so hastily that he mistyped it twice before getting it right.

Perhaps it would have been better if he'd never got it right at all.

XxGMZBOIZxX16 felt reality shatter around him. The colours and furnishings of his room, illuminated by the blue light of his computer screen, blended together to form a white blur and were sucked into XxGMZBOIZxX16's monitor, dragging him in along too.

XxGMZBOIZxX16 felt unimaginable agony as his delicate and complex body, with all it's beautifully developed neutral systems, organs, tissue, flesh, bone, glands, etc, was crushed and compacted into a simple set of cubes and cuboids. As he screamed, his voices deepened until it was replaced with the distinctive Minecraft "Ooh" of pain.

XxGMZBOIZxX16 realised that PlotDevice123 hadn't been joking. He really was in real Minecraft. It was totally real.


	4. XxGMZBOIZxX16 makes friends!

At the request of PlotDevice123, all the people in the world had gathered together in a small, muddy enclosure. XxGMZBOIZxX16 guessed that the world had only just been generated, as he hasn't seen any other structures on the way to the enclosure, and the enclosure wasn't very far from the spawn zone either.

There were only two other people with him, both of whom were still wearing the default Minecraft skin. They were distinguishable only by the usernames that hovered above their heads. One person's username was BeastyxMienier, and the other was named Lord_ Suffer.

"What stupid names," thought XxGMZBOIZxX16, rolling his eyes. "Oh well, I suppose I should introduce myself."

XxGMZBOIZxX16 approached Lord_Suffer and offered his hand to shake.

"Hey, my username is XxGMZBOIZxX16, but my real name is-" XxGMZBOIZxX16 stopped mid-sentence, realising that he could be making a terrible mistake. "On second thoughts, I probably shouldn't tell you. My MOM told me not to give my details out on the internet or I'll get cyber-hacked or identity-glitched or virus-infected or something."

"Yeah but, dude," said Lord_Suffer, who had a considerably lower pitched (and less American) voice than XxGMZBOIZxX16, "This isn't even the internet. It's, like, Minecraft."

"True, and there's nothing on Minecraft that can't be trusted. Except maybe creepers," replied XxGMZBOIZxX16.

"So, what's your name?" insisted Lord_Suffer.

"Well, it's-"

"ATTENTION PLAYERS!" interrupted the instantly recognisable voice of PlotDevice123. He was stood atop a mud tower three blocks high, holding a very blocky megaphone to his mouth. There was a pressure plate on the ground on each side of the tower. "We won't be starting the game just yet, due to a shortage of participants. We need at least 7 players to start playing, and there are only four of us."

"Beasty here doesn't even have a mic," said Lord_Suffer, pointing to the silent player. "And there's no way of getting on text chat from within Minecraft. Lame."

PlotDevice123 shook his head and sighed. "XxGMZBOIZxX16 can talk though, right?" he asked.

"Yeah," piped XxGMZBOIZxX16.

"That's good," said PlotDevice123, a dark shadow crossing his face. "I wouldn't have liked to kill more than one person today."

PlotDevice123 jumped down from his mud tower and landed on the pressure plate to the right of it. In response, the mud beneath BeastyxMienier's feet was pulled back by pistons, and he tumbled down into a large pit of lava below. Both Lord_Suffer and XxGMZBOIZxX16 screamed in shock.

"How dare he come to my server, the server of the most important and innovative YouTuber in the world, without a mic? Incompetent fool! I offer Real Minecraft, and he can't even have the common decency to bring a method of communicating?!"

"That was still no reason to kill him!" retorted XxGMZBOIZxX16. "Think of his family! Think of his friends! THINK OF HIS SUBSCRIBERS!"

"If you want to go the same way, keep talking." said PlotDevice123. "And he had no subscribers. None of you do. You're all nobodies. Why else would I choose you all? When you die in Real Minecraft, everyone will just think you were actors or bots, and the series will be so popular that I'll earn more revenue in a week than any other YouTuber will in their lives. MWUH HAR HAR HAR HARRRRRR."

XxGMZBOIZxX16 fell silent, bewildered by PlotDevice123's melodramatic and stereotypical evil .

"Well then, I'll send out a few more invites. You two should probably get to work on building a shelter before nightfall. He he he..."

PlotDevice123 popped out of existence.

XxGMZBOIZxX16 and Lord_Suffer looked at each other, their cubic eyes wide with cubic fear.

Already, the sun had begun to set.

* * *

**A/N: Oh nooooooo! Who'd have guessed PlotDevice123 was evil? I certainly didn't. I hope nothing bad happens to any other players. Speaking of which, do YOU want a chance to be in this story? If so, post a review with your Minecraft username in it. Don't worry, it can be made up! Anyway, I haven't got much else to add. As WillIAm would say, "If you can't go hard, go home."**


	5. XxGMZBOIZxX16's mum comes upstairs!

**A/N: Hmm, I wonder what XxGMZBOIZxX16's parents think of his excursion to the Minecraft world?... Have you ever wondered? I doubt it. I haven't either. Until now. To be honest, I still don't care that much, but hey, there's nothing like a good bit of context to spice up a story, right? (wrong)**

* * *

"Honey, I made you macaroni and cheese!"

XxGMZBOIZxX16's mum frowned when there was no response from her darling boy.

"Honey?!" she called, in a much louder voice.

After, again, receiving no reply, the woman began to storm up the stairs, slightly angered by the child's rudeness.

She threw the door open and saw her son sat at his desk, staring blankly at his computer monitor. Displayed on the screen was, as usual, Minecraft.

"It's dinner time," said XxGMZBOIZxX16's mum impatiently. "You need to come off that computer and eat."

There was no response from her son.

"Or you'll _starve_," she added.

The boy didn't make a single movement. He didn't twitch, fiddle, blink - he didn't do anything. He just stared at the screen with a vacant expression, which wouldn't be anything particularly alarming considering what us teenagers are like, but XxGMZBOIZxX16 wasn't the type to ignore food. His mother began to panic. She rushed over to her son, took him by the shoulders, and began to shake him.

"Are you okay?!" she demanded in a shrill voice. "Please, answer me! Do you need a doctor?!"

She glanced desperately around the room for any sign of what could have affected her son in such a way, or perhaps a way to shake him from his trance. Her eyes landed on the computer monitor, and she looked at the browser page behind the windowed Minecraft application.

She saw his YouTube channel, and realised that if he wouldn't respond to this, he wouldn't respond to anything.

"XxGMZBOIZxX16!" she yelled into her beloved child's left ear. "EX-EX-GUM-ZEE-BOYS-EX-EX-SIX-TEEN!"

There was no response.

XxGMZBOIZxX16's mum fell to her knees as tears began to well up in her eyes. Her strength left her, and she fell from her knees to the floor, landing in a miserable heap of flesh and anguish, shaking with grief. Her wails of pain rung throughout the house, and even the neighbours could hear her cries, faintly, during occasional moments of silence. She did not stop crying for hours, and each time she managed to choke back the sound, her eyes fell on her boy once more, and she relapsed back into her sorrow.

"My boy," she whimpered. "I knew I should never have bought you a computer."

She crawled over to XxGMZBOIZxX16's limp body and hugged her son's leg.

"My darling boy..."


	6. XxGMZBOIZxX16's parents sign up!

**A/N: I am going to write the Real Minecraft sections soon, don't panic! It's just I'm going to give enough time for other people to ask to be in the story, and I generally like to explore multiple viewpoints when writing. Don't worry, I haven't abandoned the idea entirely :D **

* * *

XxGMZBOIZxX16's mum sat at the kitchen table downstairs. A small puddle of tea had formed on the surface; her tremblng hands couldn't keep the tea mug level. More tea had been spilled on the table than had actually been drank, because she was so anxious that her throat had sealed up and it was difficult to ingest liquids anyway.

Although it hadn't worked, XxGMZBOIZxX16's mum had made herself the tea in an attempt to calm herself before her wife arrived home, and she had to explain what had happened to their son.

"It's been a long day down the shelter," began XxGMZBOIZxX16's other mum as she walked into the kitchen. She ceased talking when she saw her beloved wife hunched over the kitchen table with her head in her hands, with her frayed, messy hair feeding through the gaps in her fingers.

"What happened?" asked XxGMZBOIZxX16's other mum, rushing over to hug the other woman to her chest.

"Our son-" XxGMZBOIZxX16's mum choked through renewed sobs, "He's in a- in a Minecraft c-coma "

XxGMZBOIZxX16's other mum gasped.

"No..." she said, stepping away. "He didn't..."

XxGMZBOIZxX16's mum turned slowly to face her wife. "Didn't what?"

"There's a new series on YouTube - a bit like a new TV show - called Real Minecraft. The presenter said something about the server literally sucking you into the game..."

"WHAT DOES HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?!" interrupted XxGMZBOIZxX16's mum suddenly, "NOW ISN'T THE TIME TO TALK ABOUT YOUR STUPID GAME!"

"That's just the thing," XxGMZBOIZxX16's other mum said hastily, "Our son - he's on that show! He's not in a Minecraft induced coma - he's just in Minecraft!"

The two women stared into each others eyes for about half a minute, before XxGMZBOIZxX16's mum stood up from her chair and walked slowly to her son's room, while XxGMZBOIZxX16's followed close behind.

"What are you doing?" asked XxGMZBOIZxX16's other mum as she watched her wife load the Minecraft official website.

"Creating an account," the woman replied, typing XmoamX into the username space.

"I see," said XxGMZBOIZxX16's other mum. "I'll be coming with you."

She placed her hand upon her wife's hand, and they clicked "create account" in union.


	7. Sieste98's computer wormhole!

Once upon a time, Sieste98 was sat at his/her computer desk.

He/she was reading a Minecraft fanfiction by the name of "CAUSE IT'S NEVER BEEN DONE BEFORE"

Then he/she read an authors note at the end of chapter four that read:

"**Speaking of which, do YOU want a chance to be in this story? If so, post a review with your Minecraft username in it."**

Siesta98 jumped at the opportunity and screamed into the heavens,

"CAN I BE SUCKED IN A COMPUTER WORMHOLE?"

At once, Sieste98 was sucked in a computer wormhole.


	8. XxGMZBOIZxX16 makes more friends!

XxGMZBOIZxX16, Lord_Suffer, and 7 other people had gathered in the small enclosure that PlotDevice123 had built for the contestants to wait in. He had informed them by server-wide announcement that recording for Real Minecraft had just commenced, and that he'd be introducing them all as soon as he had finished explaining the concept to the audience.

"I can't wait for the show to start," said a biped bull. "I'm itching to get my hooves on some redstone."

"Why are you a bull?"asked XxGMZBOIZxX16.

"I'm not a bull," replied the bull. "I'm a cow. A male cow."

"There's no such thing as a male cow," interjected a suited man with a distinctly evil goatee. "You're a bull."

The bull fell back onto it's behind in surprise. "I'm a bull?"

"You've been a bull this whole time," continued the goatee'd educator. "Cows and bulls can both be defined as cattle, which is probably where your confusion comes from."

"I didn't know that," said XxGMZBOIZxX16. "Someone as smart as you must have a really sophisticated name, what is it?"

"Epicpwner333," replied Epicpwner333.

XxGMZBOIZxX16 sniggered to himself. "Numbers are so last decade," he thought. "It's all about the letter "X" now." (Indeed, the only reason the number 16 was in XxGMZBOIZxX16's name was because 15 other people had already attempted to use the name 'XxGMZBOIZxX.)

"What about yours?" asked XxGMZBOIZxx16, turning to the bull.

"Bfhead, but you can call me beef," he replied.

"Yes, when you're on my plate," said Epicpwner333 darkly.

There was a _very_ awkward silence for a few seconds after that.

XxGMZBOIZxX16 decided to break the silence. "Soooooooo," he said, turning to another person. "Who are you?"

The person he was addressing was a very pale humanoid, wearing what appeared to be 3D glasses.

"None of your business," he said, turning up his nose at XxGMZBOIZxX16.

"His name's Pentacrab," said a girl with short, black, pixelated hair. "I've watched your videos before, Pentacrab. You're soooooo dreamy. I'm Iothedestroyer, your biggest fan."

"Hmph, you don't know I'm dreamy. You don't anything about me. Everybody thinks they know me," spat the sollux. Before they could stop him, he had gone into full rant mode: "People think they know what people are like. They take one look at each other and judge, based on nothing but appearances."

He turned away from the group and sighed heavily. "Once, long ago, when the grass was lush and wet with dew, and the sky was as clear as the water of an untouched lake, I loved a woman." He exhaled solemnly. "She took one look at me, and cast me down with the back of her hand. as smooth as an egg but with emotion so rough you could not find it in the windiest arctic."

XxGMZBOIZxX16 exchanged exasperated looks with Beef.

"I felt something that day," continued the sollux. "That, to this day, no human or animal could ever understand. A darkness enveloped me that had eaten away at my very being, my very soul, my very core."

He turned with sudden anger.

"_You fools!_ How dare you ask my name?! My name is fire, destruction, pain, anguish and misery." He turned away again. "I am the cold that creeps along the floors of your bedrooms, I am the ice on a winter's morn. I am the freezing..."

"This guy sure does talk a lot," said Beef. "Do you think he'll notice if we leave him to it?"

XxGMZBOIZxX16 shook his head. He, Beef, Lord_Suffer, Epicpwner333, Iothedestroyer and the other two users edged away from the sollux until there were all huddled together at the opposite end of the enclosure. One of the two users, whose name they discovered quite quickly was 'Azaquaz', was wearing the default Minecraft skin. The other user was dressed in a panda sweatshirt, and had unusually large eyes for a Minecraft character.

"My name's TorchLight, I just can't contain my excitement for this show to begin!" she chirped when XxGMZBOIZxX16 asked what her name was.

"Well, now that the narrative has finally introduced you all," said PlotDevice123, "I suppose it's up to me to make my conveniently placed entrance to this chapter so that I can continue to establish my dark and evil character traits, while putting on a front to the audience that this is a friendly competition. You lot, of course, will be so paralysed by fear that you'll simply sit in discontented silence while I belittle you in front of the audience."

Nobody could disagree that this was the case, and so PlotDevice123 continued, this time addressing the audience.

"So, welcome to Real Minecraft! Where the players are real, and the pixels are realer!"

"I don't think that's a word," whispered Epicpwner333 to Lord_Suffer.

"Don't ask me, I'm dyslexic," the user replied.

"Now, let me introduce the participants in Real Minecraft. You see before you ten unknown YouTubers..." PlotDevice123 trailed off. "Wait a minute, didn't I invite one other person to this?"

PlotDevice123 paced up and down the row of players, scratching his chin and making a few faces of confusion. Finally, he said: "Where's Sieste98?"

PlotDevice123 had no way of knowing that Sieste98 had invoked the wrong method of being transported to Real Minecraft, and was instead flowing through No-Space after entering a random computer wormhole. The other contestants had no way of knowing this either. I wonder what Sieste98 is up to at the moment, actually...

* * *

"Wow, so this is what real Minecraft is like," said Sieste98, floating in No-Space. "It's darker than I expected.

* * *

Well, that was sobering.

Anyway;

"The rules of the show are as follows," said PlotDevice123, ignoring the absence of Sieste98 and continuing to speak to the audience. "If you die in Minecraft, you die in real life.

He paused.

"Well, I hadn't really thought of anything else. That rule pretty much sums it up."

* * *

**A/N: So, now that all the characters have been established, the fun can begin! (Except for the fun I'm already having with Sieste98... Sorry about that dude, you'll get out of that computer wormhole soon enough...) Sorry about the delay in posting this chapter by the way, I was in France and didn't have the motivation to write anything. As Justin Bieber would say, "I'll mine the ore out of you!"**


	9. XxGMZBOIZxX16 isn't in this part much!

It had been two weeks since Real Minecraft had began, and it was obvious already that the group was slowly sorting itself into factions. They had all settled on a small island, in a particularly varied area on the island coast.

There was a beach, which provided easy access to sand for making glass and cactus fruit for traps and food. Of course, by the beach, there was the vast ocean, which provided plenty of seafood and, when the time came, would supply the water needed for irrigation. Near the beach was a large forest biome, which I don't need to explain the usefulness of, really. In the far render distance, the beginnings of a mountain range could be seen.

Pentacrab, despite his closed body language and misanthropic rantings, was being trailed by Iothedestroyer, who eagerly listened to Pentacrab's angry pseudo-poetry. TorchLight, seeing that Iothedestroyer was the only other girl - or at least, the only other player in a female skin - ended up joining that group too, much to Pentacrab's frustration. They had constructed a large treehouse in the forest. It had to be large to give Pentacrab enough personal space between himself and the others.

Lord_Suffer and Epicpwner333, realising they had similar ideals, decided to pair up. They could often be heard laughing ominously in the nighttime as they slayed creepers and returned to their underground shelter with armfuls of gunpowder. The only entrance to their shelter was through a single trapdoor in the sand, so the building itself was not visible. The other players had a bad feeling about whatever they planned to do with the resources they had been gathering, but had no idea how to ask politely. Indeed, if the pair did turn out to be evil, they would probably kill the others as soon as they voiced their suspicions, so nobody mentioned anything.

This left XxGMZBOIZxX16 and Beef, who had built for themselves a small cobblestone and wood block cottage not too far from the island coast, on the grassy outskirts of the forest. From their humble living quarters, the duo could observe Lord_Suffer and Epicpwner333's late night activities, and watch Pentacrab and his unwanted company hunt for food in the forest biome.

It was a sunny Minecraft morning, and all the players had gathered together on the beach to discuss their plans for the day.

"Suffer and myself are probably going to spend today collecting sand, so I advise you all to stay away from the beach in case it caves in," warned Epicpwner333.

"Yes, Epic and I would just hate for anything to happen to the rest of you," said Lord Suffer, his TV Monitor head filling with static.

The other users did not look impressed by this development. One even spoke up about it:

"What do you two want sand for, h'm?" said Pentacrab, "TNT? We all know what you've been doing at night."

"A preposterous accusation!" exploded Epicpwner333. "How dare you say something like that?!"

Pentacrab stood firm. "Your friend's name is Lord_Suffer, your name is about pwning, you two have collected more gunpowder than any other resource, and it's not like gunpowder has any other use. Just what do you plan to do with that TNT?"

Epicpwner333 seemed to be considering his words carefully before he began to speak, but Lord_Suffer piped up first.

"It's quite simple, really," he said. "Mining in Real Minecraft is very hard on the wrist joints and is much more tiring than holding down the left mouse button, so me and Epic figured we'd ease the workload by mass producing TNT that we can use for clearing large areas and discovering larger caves, rather than just mining little tunnels until we find an opening by hand."

Epicpwner333 and Pentacrab both seemed surprised by Lord_Suffer's explanation, and while the latter didn't believe that the sand gathering was for such a helpful purpose, he didn't have the evidence to challenge Lord_Suffer just yet.

"Okay," Pentacrab said. "We'll all be sure to keep off the beach today."

Epicpwner333 smirked. "Good," he said, before he and Lord_Suffer made their way to the far side of the beach and began shoveling sand.

"I don't trust them at all," hissed Pentacrab.

"Maybe you're being a bit paranoid. Their names are a bit weird, but maybe they just made them when they were younger or something," said TorchLight.

"It doesn't seem right, though... them having so many explosives. They could turn on us at any moment. Blow us up while we sleep, tear the forest apart, we don't know, " said Pentacrab. "We wouldn't be able to defend ourselves."

"And what do you propose we do?" said Beef. "If they're as evil as you think, they'll kill us as soon as they see we're trying to get TNT too."

XxGMZBOIZxX16 nodded in agreement. "Exactly," he added poignantly.

"We leave," said Pentacrab after a few seconds' thought. "We go to the mountains and find iron, we build a stronghold there and harness the natural lava nearby as a building resource to make obsidian and as a defence against those two."

"Oh, COME ON," said Beef, laughing slightly, "Isn't that an extreme move to take, with as vague a hunch as yours?"

"I'm happy to go by myself," spat Pentacrab, "Whether you live or die doesn't make a difference to me, you dirty bovine."

Beef quickly drew his cobblestone sword and pointed it at Pentacrab. "What did you just call me?"

"Dirty. Bovine." repeated the sollux.

Before Beef could lunge forward and stab his enemy, Pentacrab had already unsheathed a wooden sword of his own and knocked Beef's weapon away from his throat. Pentacrab followed up by jumping at Beef and forcing him a few metres back with a critical hit. As Beef got back onto his knees, Pentacrab seized an egg he'd been carrying in his pocket and threw it at Beef with all his might.

The bull saw the egg coming toward him and quickly rolled out of the way. The egg shattered on the grass where Beef had been sat, violently spreading it's yolk in a streak on the ground. A passing chicken looked on sadly.

"I don't even like using swords," sneered Pentacrab, "This is pathetic. I'm leaving."

"Ooh, I'm coming with you!" said Iothedestroyer.

They both looked at TorchLight. "And you?" they both asked in unison.

"I don't know if we should all be splitting up like this..." she began.

"Look, we're leaving right now, so make your choice," said Pentacrab.

TorchLight looked between Beef, who was still sat on the floor, having bruised his waist from rolling, and Pentacrab, who was glaring at her through his red and blue shades. The girl sighed. "We'd better get going then," she said solemnly.

XxGMZBOIZxX16 watched as Pentacrab, Iothedestroyer and TorchLight made their way through the forest and out of sight. Then he wiped the few small tears that had formed in his eyes away, and turned to check on Beef.

"Are you okay?" he said.

"Yeah, my ego's bruised more than anything," the bull replied. "Thanks for staying with me."

"Don't sweat it, Beef," said XxGMZBOIZxX16. "I feel like I know you."

"You can't know anyone if you don't know their name," laughed Beef. His bruised waist protested painfully against the sudden spasms of his diaphragm. "Dammit, it hurts to laugh... and there were too many alliterations in that last sentence."

"You've got a point," said XxGMZBOIZxX16 with a smile. "I'd better tell you my name. It's-"

"YOUNG MAN, WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT GIVING YOUR DETAILS OUT ON THE INTERNET?!"

XxGMZBOIZxX16 almost jumped out of his pixellated skin. "Mom?!" he exclaimed, turning to the user that was currently coming towards him. His mothers Minecraft skin, for some reason, was PSY.

"Yes, I know I don't quite look myself honey, but that Gangnam Style guy is pretty down with the kids, right? I'll blend right in."

"Mom, no one listens to Gangnam Style anymore," said XxGMZBOIZxX16 with a sigh. "It's all about the Harlem shake now."

"Yes, yes, well I already met a friend who thinks my skin is pretty cool. Southernson, where are you?!"

Beef, XxGMZBOIZxX16 and XmoamX watched as Southernson made her way out of the forest. "Sorry," she said, "I bumped into some people and tried to have a chat with them, but they seemed mighty grumpy."

"That'd be Pentacrab," said Beef darkly.

"Let's not go into that yet," said XxGMZBOIZxX16. "So mom, what does your name mean?"

"Mom on a mission," said XmoamX. "The 'X's are there to look cool."

XxGMZBOIZxX16 smiled. He made a mental note to tell Epicpwner333 that even his mum thought letters were cooler than numbers.


	10. XxGMZBOIZxX16 isn't in this part at all!

**A/N: So, this marks ten chapters of CAUSE IT'S NEVER BEEN DONE BEFORE! As always, the content speaks for itself. The humour hasn't been as prominent during these last few chapters, but that is intentional and it won't continue that way forever. Again, sorry for any typos in advance - it really is a pain in the bottom using a tiny tablet to write stories. With that said, prepare for PLOT DEVELOPMENT.**

* * *

"Yes, yes... Gooood..." growled Epicpwner333 as he admired his and Lord_Suffer's stacks of TNT-filled chests. "Production has moved faster than I had previously anticipated."

"Well, with me doing the heavy lifting and you taking on the craftwork, our targets were easy to achieve," beamed Lord_Suffer.

Epicpwner333 and Lord_Suffer sighed with happy malice. It was a stroke of fate, really, that the subject of committing evil acts for no concrete reason had come up between them. If it hadn't been for Lord_Suffer mentioning a certain video game publisher, they would never have bonded together in such perfect union.

* * *

Epicpwner333 and Lord_Suffer just so happened to be the last two people around the campfire on the first night. Going for a topic of conversation that he thought would be universally accessible by any male, Lord_Suffer began to talk about video games.

"So, what do you think about EA and what they've done with the Dead Space franchise?" Lord_Suffer had asked.

"I think they took it in a direction that truly surprised anyone who played the first game," replied Epicpwner333. "To turn an intense survival horror game into a cookie cutter third person shooter is nothing short of diabolical."

"It's funny you should say that," said Lord_Suffer. "In a way, I found that whole scandal hilarious. I mean, I'd seen what EA had managed to do to Mass Effect but... Dead Space 3 is something else."

"Impressively so," said Epicpwner333. He leaned in closer to Lord_Suffer. "Let me let you in on a little secret. You may not be able to tell from my goatee, but I'm evil. Totally evil."

Lord_Suffer smiled. "Same," he said. "Wanna team up?"

* * *

"I'm glad I agreed to pair up with you that day," said Epicpwner333.

"Yes, it is quite a beautiful friendship that we share, isn't it?" said Lord_Suffer. "And that's not the only thing we share either. Just look at all this TNT."

"That was a fine joke, Lord_Suffer. Let us laugh evilly together."

And so, Epicpwner333 and Lord_Suffer threw back their heads, placed their hands on their hips, and laughed into the air. They cackled and chuckled and chortled, and their laughter was so dark and terrifying that the mere existence of it caused Pentacrab to soil his pants.

* * *

"What's wrong, Pentacrab?" asked TorchLight, seeing that her grey companion had suddenly stopped climbing the cliffside. "I thought you were desperate to get to the top of this mountain?"

The sollux spoke slowly: "I don't know why, but I just felt such a horrible fear come over me that I pooed myself."

Iothedestroyer's infatuation with Pentacrab died instantly.

"I don't even know how one poos himself in Minecraft, but it's not nice," continued Pentacrab. "Oh well, let's keep walking."

* * *

"So, Lord_Suffer, when should we execute my vaguely defined evil plan?" asked Epicpwner333.

The man with a TV monitor on his head placed his hand on his screen and rapped his fingers against it while he thought.

"Now," he said finally. "Let's go blow them up. Keep it real simple."

"Wait, what?!" spluttered Epicpwner333, "That's not my vaguely defined evil plan at all!"

"Then what did we get all this TNT for?" said Lord_Suffer, feeling very confused.

"To lull the others into a false sense of insecurity, you fool. My real plan could never be so simple, and it could definitely never involve you."

Epicpwner333 drew a bow that he had taken from a skeleton and aimed it at Lord_Suffer. As Lord_Suffer turned and dived behind a chest, Epicpwner333 quickly launched a dozen arrows that all narrowly missed their target.

As Epicpwner333 equipped a few more arrows, Lord_Suffer emerged from his hiding spot holding a block of TNT and dumped it on the ground. Epicpwner333 looked up from his bow, ready to shoot again, but stopped when he saw that Lord_Suffer held a lever in his hand.

"Fire one more shot and you'll be sorry. The TNT in this base is enough to crash the whole server and take everyone else's lives along with it."

"All this over a few arrows, my friend?" laughed Epicpwner333, lowering his bow. "It was just an evil jest between buddies, that's all. I wouldn't really try to kill you."

"Is that so?" said Lord_Suffer, frowning. "You seemed pretty damn sincere."

Epicpwner333 cast his bow aside, not paying it any attention as it skidded away from him. "Trust me," he said.

Lord_Suffer dropped the lever and sighed. "Okay, I'm sorry," he replied. "So, what is the real plan?"

Epicpwner333 smiled. "First, you'll build my fortress," he thought. "And when your usefulness has ended, I'll kill you."


	11. XxGMZBOIZxX16 has an existential crisis!

**A/N: This chapter presents XxGMZBOIZxX16 in the throes of an existential crisis, but not for very long, which will probably contribute to said crisis. Oh well, as John Stuart Mill would say; "Better to be XxGMZBOIZxX16 dissatisfied than Sieste98 satisfied."**

* * *

"I haven't been in the story for ages, it's making me sad," said XxGMZBOIZxX16 sadly. "I thought this story was supposed to be about me?"

He and Beef were sat in the mud outside their cottage. XxGMZBOIZxX16 drew an unhappy face in the dirt with a twig he had salvaged from a fallen tree. The boy was feeling awfully blue.

"Oh, Gumzy, this story has an ensemble cast now. You'll have to deal with sharing the limelight." The bull smudged out the unhappy face and fingered out a happy face in its place. "But the chapter titles are still dedicated to you. Well, apart from Sieste's chapter."

XxGMZBOIZxX16 was not comforted by the words of his friend. He leaned forward and held his head in his hands. He wished he could be home, in his bedroom, playing Minecraft from the safety of his computer chair. He longed for real, non-pixelated food and to see his YouTube channel page. He wondered if the Google staff had replied to his email, and whether or not he was YouTube famous yet.

"All I wanted was to be YouTube famous," cried XxGMZBOIZxX16, who had only wanted to be YouTube famous. Couldn't a boy just become YouTube famous with minimal effort, without being transported into a game with worse graphics than Sonic Adventure? XxGMZBOIZxX16 began to weep.

"Look, bro, there was a poem my mum used to read to me when I was a kid that would always cheer me up," said Beef. "Would you like me to tell it to you?"

"Yes, please."

**OPTIONAL: Go to /watch?v=IkR3c3pPE9A and listen as you read for the full effect. Skip to 0:12 and read on!)**

"I'm not a hoe... hoe... oh, oh, oh... trust me I'm a pro. (Trust me I'm a pro) oh oohohoohohoh ohohohohohooouuuo... oh, oh, oh (oh) uouoouooohohhh ohhouuuuououou oh, oh, oh. Let me take good care of you. I've been saving up all day.  
OOOOOHOHOOHOHOOOOOO OOOOOOHOHohoohohoooooo... Now I know your heart, I know your mind, you don't even know you're being unkind. So much for all your highbrow marxist ways, just use me up and then you'll walk away. Boy you can't play me that way... Boy you can't play me that way.  
Well I guess what they say is true: I could never be the right kind of girl for you, I could never be your woman... Now I know your heart, I know your mind, you don't even know you're being unkind. So much for all your highbrow marxist ways, just use me up and then you'll walk away. Boy you can't play me that way. Well I guess what they say is true: I could never be the right kind of girl for you. I could never be your woman... I could never be your woman... I could never be your woman... I could never be your woman... I could never be your woman... I could never be your woman... I could never be your woman... I could never be your woman... I could never be your woman... I could never be your woman."

There was silence as Beef waited for XxGMZBOIZxX16 to applaud him. He was frozen in the position he had ended the song in, with his arms outstretched and his chin pointed skywards. XxGMZBOIZxX16, however, merely stared at the panting bull in pure contempt, following the trickles of sweat that ran down Beef's face with his eyes.

"That," he said, "was the worst thing I have ever heard in my whole life."

"Sorry," said Beef.

* * *

Pentacrab and the others had finally reached the peak of the mountain. Without surveying their surroundings, the group flopped on the ground, trying to catch their breath. Strangely, the ground seemed to ring like a vibrating metal when the users made contact with it, but they were too tired to notice it. I, on the other hand, did notice. I just got six hours' sleep, which is quite a lot compared to how much I've been getting for the last few weeks.

"Wow, we're finally here," said TorchLight, pulling off her sweat soaked hoodie. "I thought I was going to sweat to death."

When the trio were finally able to lift their heads off the ground, they noticed their vision was slightly blurred by heat waves that were rising off the cracked, gold encrusted mountain top. The air, thick with ash, choked them as they rose to their feet and began to wade their way through the smog.

"I'm fairly sure we would have seen a plume of smoke coming from this mountain before we started climbing it," said TorchLight.

"Ooh, unless this mountain is actually a volcano and it just erupted!" squealed Iothedestroyer.

Pentacrab glared at her. "That's stupid," he said. "Shut up."

Moving onwards, they saw a black speck in the far distance. With each step the speck became larger and larger until they recognised it as a person. Through the thick smoke, they could make out the outline of a jiggling figure, and they heard the sound of scrubbing and a strange melody coming from its direction as well. As they neared the figure, the blur of different pitches became evident as a rhythmic, "Doo doo doo, doo-doo doo-doo-doo-doo-doo" repeated over and over, which very quickly irritated Pentacrab, TorchLight and Iothedestroyer.

"I think I can see him properly!" declared TorchLight.

"Is he... Is he bathing in lava?!" exclaimed Pentacrab.

The once jiggling figure in the distance, no longer obscured by smoke, was now a full body with defined pixels. He resembled the default Minecraft skin, except his hair and clothes were bright gold, and his eyes were pure white. The user was scrubbing himself with an enormous brush, bathing in a shallow bath of molten lava, hopping on one foot to the other as he screeched his monotonous drone. Suddenly, the user snapped his neck to the side to face Pentacrab and his companions.

"How peculiar," he said. "I do not often see other miners in the mountains."

The stranger spoke at an incredible standard of BBC English. For any readers who don't know what that accent is ("There's more than one type of accent in England?!" exclaimed the Americans), imagine everything this character says is in the stereotypical super-posh English/British accent. Anyway;

The trio could only stare at the stranger and wonder how he was bathing in lava without dying.

"Not the talking type, eh? That is fine by me. I can talk for England. Heck, I can talk for Europe. No, no, beyond that, I can talk for the whole world!" declared the stranger. "I was awarded by my friends the award for most talkative person. Of course, the award is not represented by any official body. It was all in jest, of course. Of course, of course. You all probably knew that already, or at least guessed it. I was not insulting your intelligence, although I am sure yours are inferior to mine."

Pentacrab, TorchLight and Iothedestroyer continued to gawk at the stranger as he stepped out of the lava pool and patted the excess molten rock off of his body.

"My name is Butterbrine," continued the stranger. "But you can call me Butter."

"Butter?" asked Iothedestroyer, weakly.

"That was a joke, of course. I would much prefer you all refer to me by my full name. I am not a fanatic when it comes to informalities, contractions, etcetera. I think our language is a beautiful thing, and slang is like graffiti on a fresh wall. I hope none of you are foolish enough to contract "you are" into "you're", or anything of that like. That simply would not do. We would not get along at all. It would be an awful shame if the first people I met face-to-face in six thousand years were common peasant folk."

Pentacrab had already heard enough of Butterbrine's ramblings. He marched up to the user and pointed his index finger into Butterbrine's face. "I've already heard enough of your rambling," he yelled, "I-"

"RAMBLING?!" Butterbrine roared so loudly that Pentacrab fell backwards onto his behind. "You dare to refer to my diction as "rambling"? You had better learn some manners. You would regret trifling with me, if you choose to trifle with me, which is something you would regret doing. Let me tell you something about myself..."

Butterbrine snapped his fingers, and out of the ground rose up an army of fifty golden skeletons, who all quickly rallied in rows of ten behind Butterbrine.

"I," he continued, "was born into a poor family a long time ago. My father was a blacksmith, and my mother was a housewife. My parents had already brought three children into the world before me, and they were all of age. It was a miracle that I was born at all, really, for my mother was well out of the menopausal boundary when I was conceived. But conceived I was, and at first, other than my unlikely birth, there was nothing unusual about me."

Iothedestroyer and TorchLight knew that Butterbrine's story wasn't going to become any more interesting, but paid the stranger their full attention out of politeness. Pentacrab, however, had the sense not to listen properly, and instead got to work building a shelter.

"It became apparent that I was a miraculous child, as well as a miraculous conception, when I was four years old," said Butterbrine. "Unattended by my parents, I dug underneath the fence that bordered my playpen and crawled head first into a lava pool. My parents turned when they heard the dirt being broken, but were unable to prevent me from climbing into the lava pool in time. They admit, in hindsight, that placing it only two blocks from my playpen was a poor idea. But the strange thing is, and this is truly a strange thing, I wasn't killed upon falling into the lava."

"Sadly," muttered Pentacrab.


	12. A (vaguely) important announcement!

These are just a few quick things I feel the need to say.

Firstly, **no more character submissions from now on.** Thank you to everyone who did submit a character to this story, whether it was simply a name or an in-depth character profile like the ones Epicpwner333 or DoctorDonna97 submitted. But no matter the amount of information that was given, if you have submitted a character then you have my thanks.

Secondly, thank you to those who have read the story and reviewed the story. I am humbled by the amount of visitors and views that CINBDB has accumulated in the short time since I began writing it, and I cannot say how thankful I am for every review without making this Author's Note overly long.

It is likely that without the feedback this story already receives that I wouldn't have developed it into what it is now. If you have ever wanted to post any comment on this story, be it a simple "lol" or a constructive, lengthy review, please feel free to do so. I don't bite, and the worst that can happen is that I'll be motivated to carry on writing. Not a bad result for a few minutes of your time, huh?

CINBDB is in its final chapters now. I have the stories' final destination in my head, and the directions to get there in my scratchpad. The only thing left to do is to write it.

As Pure would say, "Pure is what they call me. Don't even play me. You want the diamonds. But you can't even, nope, you can't afford me. You simply bore me. My momma told me; I act just like my daddy."


End file.
